This just in from the American Psychological Association: yet another reason to stop whining. A new study in the journal Developmental Psychology suggests Someone to Complain with Isn’t Necessarily a Good Thing. The research focused on “co-rumination,” which is definitely my new favorite word, and which means “excessively talking with another person about problems, including rehashing them and dwelling on the negative feelings associated with them.”
More than 800 third-, fifth-, seventh-, and ninth-graders were tested over a period of six months to see whether co-rumination—often an integral part of strong friendships—also resulted in increased anxiety and depression. The answer was yes indeed, but only in the case of girls. From the press release:
For girls, co-rumination predicted increased positive friendship quality, including feelings of closeness between friends. However, the study also found that girls who co-ruminate had increased depressive and anxiety symptoms, which in turn, contributed to greater co-rumination.
Kind of a vicious cycle, huh? Boys, on the other hand, got off scot-free, forging closer bonds as a result of co-rumination without any increased anxiety or depression. (As to a reason for this gender split, researchers speculate that “girls may be more likely than boys to take personal responsibility for failures” during co-rumination. Sigh.) The researchers argue the results are significant, whether you’re the parent of a girl, or a former girl yourself:
These findings are interesting because girls’ intentions when discussing problems may be to give and seek positive support. However, these conversations appear to contribute to increased depression.
While the study was focused on children and early psychological development, it does make you wonder whether grown-up complaint-fests are doing more harm than good. Ladies, just in case, it couldn’t hurt to make those happy hours a little happier.
my husband and i were just talking about this the other day. not that i like to dwell on the problematic stuff in life, but i DO like it when he co-ruminates with me (which i agree is one of the best words ever). he likes to take the shut up & listen approach when i do this, natch. i wonder if it’s okay in smaller doses?
Argh, causation vs. correlation! (I should get a t-shirt). The press release is press-release-ishly shallow, and the linked pdf isn’t working, so I’m not sure if the actual study addresses this, but maybe anxiety and depression causes co-rumination or other factors cause both.
Studies really do show that we are better off not talking or brooding too much about the things that upset or annoy us. The idea of anger “catharsis,” for example — that you’ll feel better if you express your anger — just isn’t true. The more you express anger, the more angrier you feel. And the more you talk about how lousy you feel, this study suggests, the more lousy you do feel. I’ve really been working on turning my thoughts to happier subjects when I feel myself brooding on slights, irritations, etc., as well as not over-sharing with others.
sure, but boys get to bitch all they want without consequence. isn’t that always the way?
I also wonder if the results of this study are specific only to that generation (which is known to be possible). Girls 40+ years ago were told not to whine and to be nice all the time, and that also created psychological problems. Probably comes down to a need for balance (too much of anything may be a bad idea . . . unless you’re Mae West, of course).
so then, girls nowadays are told to vent? and perhaps they’re going overboard in this self-centered society? i could see that… but i do feel better when i get something out rather than let it sit inside me.
Okay, so let’s talk about co-ruminating in the workplace. Since I work in a male-dominated industry, the women tend to co-ruminate often, since there are so many fewer of us, sometime discussing how our careers might be different if we just had dicks. We try to do this with humor, which helps make the process a real release at times. But is it very true that too much co-rumination is finally depressing and draining and makes dealing with the stress of work more difficult. I find myself avoiding women who are constantly down, wanting to share their unhappiness with me. Instead, I look forward to talking with those who make me smile and see the humor in the quirkiness of colleagues and managers.
momcat- it’s so true in and out of the workplace. whether it be with friends or co-workers, co-ruminating gives life and energy to the negative-rumination without actually releasing the energy.
I don’t advocate bottling things up or trying to “make nice” for others, but releasing your feelings with yourself, for yourself, makes it easier to move on to proactive solutions.
When are they going to have a word for talking about things that aren’t negative? Or can psychologists only conceive of wanting to chew over problems?
[...] anxiety and depression causes co-rumination or other factors cause both. article continues at Laurel Fan brought to you by Depression and Clinical [...]
[...] Gah! Doesn’t that drive you nuts? It drives me nuts. Especially because I know I’d be in the “sure, three bucks is fine” camp (and then I’d go to lunch with my girlfriends and co-ruminate about it). [...]
[...] 3:25pm Complaining about your job is a great American pastime. In fact, sometimes co-ruminating (remember that word?) about your workday trials is the most enjoyable part of the day. But how can you tell the [...]
ok so i’m this girl who doesn’t complain, the bad news is i’m working on it cuz according to my therapist ‘i should sometimes say the things that actually matter which i never do’
but regardless the me, u think i could use these research results as evidence to convince all my male friends, who happen to, well, complain all the time, complain all the complaint and do nothing but the complaint, to maybe get off my back for a while & stopp the dwelling? i mean, i sure could use some fun so if this thing implies in my case then i’d be more than happy to use it regardless how little i care about it in itself.